Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
