You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
