Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
