I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize