my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize