who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
