I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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