Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize