He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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