Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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