remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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