haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize