It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
