Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
