hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
