The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
