i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
