she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
