god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
