do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
