like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
