Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
