haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
