The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
