He uses pillows to masturbate.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize