In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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