sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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