She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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