Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
