The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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