it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
