So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
