Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
