She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
