whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize