I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize