Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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