it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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