Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
