and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize