Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
