The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
