cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
