That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
