Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
