So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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