Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
