For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
