If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
