if i can run in heels then i can drive
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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