So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
