I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
