my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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