Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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