Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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