Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
