I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
