Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
