Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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