remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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