So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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