even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
BRING THE BAGELS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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