Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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