i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
