what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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