i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize