remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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