I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
