i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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