end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
