So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
is it fun? or sober?
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