ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i permit you to call me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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