he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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