physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
