i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
