Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
