so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pants are for mortals
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
