so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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